If you were to look up the definition of the word „grandparent” you would find a fairly mundane sort of definition. "The parents of a person’s father or mother" hardly does justice to the people it describes. It would be like saying the earth was a house for humans – while not untrue, there is so much more to it than that.
A grandparent is an extension of your own parents. They are there to teach you things that might not be of utmost importance to your own parents, but that’s what draws us to them. We love spending time with someone whose whole existance seems to revolve around our own. Who else teaches us corny jokes, lets us blow bubbles in our milk, and makes sure that we are sufficiently spoiled to exasperate our parents? It is their privilege to be the fun ones after a life of being the serious parents. Maybe that’s why so many people look forward to being grandparents, it makes a nice change from laying down the law!
As some of you know, my family had two weddings this summer, so there was a lot of coming and going from place to place. There were lots of preparations, running here and there getting last minute things, picking up people from the airport...the list could go on and on. In the midst of all of this, I did have time to plan a very short photo shoot with my grandparents. Don’t worry, I did the actual session the day after the last wedding, so I didn’t insist upon my photos over one of the most important events in a sibling’s life. I just made it known that I wanted to take their pictures for myself and for posterity’s sake.
The funny thing about it, oddly enough, was that I felt incredibly nervous. I think I was concerned that they wouldn’t want to sit down and stare into a camera, even if I was their grandaughter. I almost just decided to let it go, but something pushed me on. My family very rarely gathers all in one place, so I knew this might be my last time to document all of them. The day after the wedding, I set up my simple backdrop, got a rocking chair and called them in one at a time. They probably felt like I was calling them in for their individual mug shot, but I had a mission. I want my grandkids to know what they looked like, and (if possible from their expressions) who they were. I wanted to preserve their memory as best I could.
No matter who you are, sitting in front of a camera lens becomes a very vulnerable thing. A camera is not forgiving, it does not understand the imperfections that you wish to hide, it only documents the reality of what is in front of it. When you look into the lens, it seems to stare back at you and slowly peek into your very soul. It sounds strange, but isn’t it true? It’s like staring into the eyes of someone staring back at you, awkward and incredibly uncomfortable.
Maybe that’s why we dislike photos of ourselves so much. As human beings, we can look at someone through our rose colored glasses and see the ideal, but a camera is a lot less forgiving. It sees us as we are, not as we wish we were. Everyone who sees a photo of a friend or loved one praises it and thinks they look lovely, when all they themselves see is their white hairs and crooked smile. I would have to say it’s a pride issue – but an issue that every one of us deals with on some level.
For me, the experience might have started out awkward as I tried to figure out exactly what I wanted to document, but pretty soon my inner photographer took over. I think part of having an inner portrait photographer is having eyes to see a person – not just look at one. Of course, when it is a grandparent there is also a love that overshadows each photo taken.
Nana, the coin collector.
To be honest, there are some of my grandparents that I haven’t really had the opportunity to know on an incredibly deep level due to distance, so it made this session even more precious to me. It meant I could look into their faces and study them up close and see the effects the years have had on them. Each "imperfection" that told so many stories – hard and happy – drew some new emotion out of me. Sadness that I knew so little of their story (a lifetime is a lot to tell), but happiness that I can look into their eyes frankly and openly. Looking at the photos now, I realize that I love each one. Every wrinkle, each crooked tooth, each lopsided smile, and every grey and white hair, all come together to form the people that I love.
This session not only makes me realize how important documenting the previous generation is, but it also reminds me of the importance of what they leave behind. Legacy is the word used to describe this phenomenon. Yet another word whose definition is deceptively ordinary, but whose implications are incredibly vast. "A thing handed down by a predecessor" only goes so far into the word. (Can you tell I like words?)
For those who have a pattern of legacy in their families, it means wisdom, love, faith, possibly even money passed down from a grandparent or great-grandparent. It has memories and (hopefully) warm feelings attached to it and is a very positive thing that we wish to pass on ourselves when our turn comes.
Papa's pockets are the precursor to the man-bag.
For those of us without such a pattern, it remains an abstract idea. It sounds warm and inviting, but without a real-life example, it is hard to know how to make it happen for our future generations. If this is you, never fear, there is hope. Find an example from those around you and learn from their life. It just takes a little humility to approach them and ask for advice and a some hard work and determination to make the changes that will make future generations proud to call you their ancestor.
I often think about how the past has affected my own life. I used to love to sit and listen to all the stories my parents and grandparents would tell about when they were kids and how the world was for them. I used to wish I was born back then and could have seen the things they did. I had the active imagination ready to insert myself into their shoes and live the memory through their eyes.
I’m sure this is why I have a fascination for history and a love to recreate photos in historic settings. All those stories ring in my ears as I imagine the next image I am going to take. They spark my curiosity to continually learn and seek knowledge about the past.
Their stories also keep me curious about how my own history will influence the future. Will I do something great to influence the world, or will I live a life that my own little world – my family – can be proud of and use as a template for their own lives?
Now can you see how important legacy is? One person’s life influences another, which influences another, which influences another, which changes the world. It seems rather far fetched, but trust me, this is how it works. Your legacy inspires the ones coming after you. Your choices affect the future, but praise God, they don’t define it!
Some of the best stories are of people who make mistakes, but against incredible odds, they change the ending of their story and make it better than the beginning. They make choices to leave a better legacy. Maybe they were born without much of a legacy to speak of, but through perseverance and grit they make the life they dreamed of. These are my favorite kinds of stories!
One of the saddest things to me is when a grandparent, or someone who has so much history to share, decides to keep silent. They say that history repeats itself, but I believe it often occurs when the previous generation who lived it does not share with the next one. I know that there are often negative emotions, usually shame, associated with the past, and that is why many choose not to relive it, but that is exactly why these stories NEED to be told. Think of the pain and shame that could be spared for the next generation! Think of the wars that would never be fought and the peace that could replace them. Think of the legacy your story could create. Just think about it.
Shame has already stollen so much from the future. Don’t let it deprive the ones coming after you. Start the conversation and leave a legacy of wisdom and experience that could change someone’s life. Who knows? You just might change the world.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. Psalm 34:5
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36
And he said to the people of Israel, “When your children ask their fathers in times to come, ‘What do these stones mean?’ then you shall let your children know, ‘Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ Joshua 4:21-22
Models: Dixie Collins, Billy Sills, Marion Sills, Penny (Patricia) Luse, and Robert Luse - so grateful for the grandparents God blessed me with!
Special thanks to - God for inspiration and perseverance. Monica Luse for being a stand in model and encouraging me to follow through, Rebecca Gordet for assisting, and Marion and Billy Sills for lending me the use of your living room and a few odds and ends to pull it together! Amanda LeBeouf for proofreading before I released it on the world.
There were so many photos that I wanted to share, but due to the length of the post, I had to pick and choose. Hopefully someday they will see the light of day, but until then, please enjoy the ones I selected for your viewing pleasure!
Many blessings!
~ Alyssa Kay
